When I was in first grade, I vividly remember being pulled out of the classroom and brought to the bathroom by my teacher. It was just me and her. She stood with me outside the bathroom door and pointed to the sign that read “girls room”. My teacher was hoping this experience would teach me to write “girls” and not “grills”. Instead, I felt embarrassed, called out, and dumb. None of the other students had been taken out of the classroom to learn how to spell a word. A year later, the same teacher kept me inside at recess to work on my writing. Tears welled up in my eyes because I thought I had done something wrong. Again, I felt embarrassed, called out, and dumb.
Fast forward to when I was a senior in college I decided to take a wilderness first responder course. It was led by a gregarious teacher who was comfortable with getting uncomfortable. It was not your typical college course. In this course, we needed to trust one another, develop teamwork, and communication skills. It required us to get to know one another on an intimate level. This relationship building was facilitated by the teacher who took the time at the beginning of the course to build this rapport. He asked questions, listened and shared. It felt like we were all learning and working together. We were all on the same team. I never felt embarrassed, called out, or dumb. Even when I made mistakes or did not have the answers to the questions. I could be authentic-self. I was part of a community. I could fail and I could succeed.
As I embarked on my journey to discover who I am as an educator, school counselor, and community builder I reflect on these formative experiences. These experiences have cultivated who I want to be as a facilitator of knowledge. I hope to never make students feel embarrassed, called out, or dumb. bell hooks (2003) states that “through cultivation of awareness” we can break patterns and create new opportunities. This can be supported by ongoing learning. Part of this learning requires vulnerability. By allowing myself to be open to my students and community I can engage in authentic, transformative relationships. These relationships cultivate the understanding of our interdependence and interconnectedness, which supports my ability to create an equitable and diverse learning environment, offer differentiated learning opportunities and provide developmentally appropriate learning materials. These relationships are the essence of my role as a school counselor and what supports my ongoing work as a learner.
To further my growth as a learner, I must also acknowledge my identity as a white, female educator who has engaged in a colonized, white-centered educational system and who will continue to engage in this system. I must acknowledge my privilege As bell hooks (2003) states that this awareness and internal work allows individuals to utilize “tools to break with the dominator mode”. When we utilize these tools true transformation can occur.
The important questions I ask myself: How do I address the harms created by a colonized system? How do I support my students in feeling safe? What is my role in this system? How do my implicit biases impact my work? What is within my control? When do I seek help?
As a learner, educator, and school counselor I am committed to ongoing reflection and action in order to serve myself and the school community. I am committed to asking questions. I am committed to admitting my mistakes and acknowledging when I do not know something. I am committed to using my voice. I am committed to uplifting other voices. I am committed to encouraging laughter. I am committed to being silly. I am committed to authenticity. I am committed to ongoing learning.
Restorative Counseling 